Four Days Before Nik's Surgery

I just came across my old diary from before surgery. I thought I’d share with you the last entry before I had surgery.

Keep in mind that I was (still am) no different than any other post-op on this journey. I didn’t know I’d start Bariatric Foodie. I didn’t know I’d come to have this HUGE support network. I didn’t know that I’d learn to accept love and that I’d learn to love myself!

Looking back at this is sort of unreal to me. I have a renewed appreciation for the person I was back then. She was BRAVE. She was STRONG. She was a FIGHTER. And she still is.

Pre-ops if you don’t keep a diary, consider starting one. Because I promise you, a day will come when you NEED to read something like this to remind you just how far you have come.

January 4, 2008

This is really going to happen, isn’t it?

Well all the tests are done. I must say I’ve never contemplated my internal organs so much as I have this month. I’ve seen my gall bladder (thankfully it’s stone free!). I’ve been tested for high blood pressure, pregnancy (yeah right). I’ve had an EKG and a stress test. That last was a most jarring experience.

Somehow throughout this whole process I managed to keep thoughts of the dangers of this operation in the back of my mind. Mostly because I didn’t really believe this operation was going to happen. But there is an acceptance that comes with having your heart chemically stimulated while you are hooked up to multiple gadgets that sort of begs thoughts of mortality. I don’t think I’ll die from this operation but I COULD. That though alone is too much to bear. I don’t want to exist anywhere that my daughters do not. This is one of many reasons I pray for salvation of my soul. I want to share the next life with them as well.

So I choose to believe that by thinking positive thoughts, speaking positive affirmations, my desire to come out of this alive will materialize. Over the years I’ve learned that belief is a choice and it’s one I don’t take lightly. So as I choose to believe all will be well, so too do I choose to believe that I will be successful at my new lifestyle. I choose to believe that life will get better for me and I choose to believe that God has my perfect mate. He’s grooming him and making him worth of me as He makes me worthy of [that man].

I also choose to believe I am doing the right thing. not everyone thinks so but I don’t regret being open about my plans. I don’t purport that RNY is for everybody. I just want people to respect the surgery as a choice. Some may want to consider it, some may not. but I’m tired of people calling hte surgery the easy way out or that it’s not losing weight “the real way” (whatever that means). So that’s my deal. 

It’s a choice – a VALID one – that I happened to make. 



  1. Thanks. Really. I guess I needed to read this just now.

  2. I needed this. My surgery is tomorrow. Not many of my husband's family members know and today I have to go to a funeral and luncheon for his grandma. I'm nervous and don't really want to talk about. I know it's the right decision for me, I just wish I didn't feel like people keep judging me/ thinking it's a bad idea.

  3. That was awesome… Before surgury I wrote I letter to my future self .. reminding me WHY i chose the band and HOW it felt to carry all those extra pounds every day…

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